Amber Baird, Author

Daddy texted that he got a surprise to cheer me up, something u always wanted, he said, so on the Greyhound trip home after a terrible semester at college, options line danced through my head. Maybe a Harley Davidson with stretched-out front forks and ape-hanger handlebars? Possibly one of those shiny MacBooks with the new processors. 

I’d had the seat to myself after boarding in Detroit until this lady plopped down in Toledo. On the trip up to school, a Juggalo evangelist offered me Faygo Redpop and asked, “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and path to Shangri-La? Wicked clowns never die.” So a young-ish woman somewhere between the age of an older sister and aunt felt like a better option. You know. At the time. 

Read more at Sensitive Skin Magazine (January 2024). The story that ruined tomatoes for Chuck Palahniuk.